I haven’t voiced my opinions about Open Stellenbosch to date mostly, I think, because of all the friends I thought I’d lose if I aired how I really feel. Also because I take really long to form an opinion about something. But today is the day. Time to reveal what’s been building up inside me over the past few months. To the friends I’m going to lose by posting this, thanks for the great times together.

I’m deeply sorry it had to come to this. But here we are.

I was there today, supporting you guys. I heard your demands and I am completely in agreement with every single one of them.

But I left you outside Admin B this afternoon after a sequence of related events. First, one of you stood up there on the steps and shouted into a megaphone, “Good afternoon everyone! Thank you for interrupting whiteness today!”

That’s what I was doing? Who knew? I thought I was just marching against the language policy at Stellenbosch University in my lunch break but if we’re calling that ‘interrupting whiteness’ I guess I can go with it.

A few minutes later I asked my two black friends standing next to me to please translate the words of the song that was currently being sung by the crowd, as I had been doing for every song up until that point.

A moment of silence. “Erm. This is kind-of awkward,” one of them said. They exchanged an uncomfortable glance.

“What? Why? I wanna know what they’re singing. Please tell me,” I insisted.

More silence and two-way glances which did not include me.

“This one’s on you, friend,” one said to the other.

Deep breath. “Okay. What this song means is that… Well, okay. Hmmm.” This was clearly hard for her. “The first word means ‘happiness’, and then it’s like… ‘when we hit the white man’. I’m sorry, Heleen. It’s not about you. It doesn’t mean… I’m sorry.”

Oh, okay.

That was almost breaking point for me. This was not what I signed up for. Obviously I’m ignorant about the role of struggle songs in fostering a national identity blah blah blah. And I’m not gonna go into that here. This debate has been had and I don’t even remember what we all decided as a politically correct nation regarding which words are appropriate to sing and which aren’t, so there really is no need to rehash it all. I just have one thing to say on this point, and seeing as though you are such fans of using personal emotions to get a point across, Open Stellenbosch, let me tell you how it makes me feel to stand in a crowd and hear that the people all around me want to physically injure me because of the colour of my skin: it feels like my close friend has just punched me in the stomach. It feels like I am in a sea of people to whom I could never in a million years relate. It feels like I am not welcome in Stellenbosch, in South Africa, in Africa.

I didn’t leave at that point because I felt too bad for my friend who had explained the words to the song to me. She was possibly even more uncomfortable than I was and it really wasn’t her fault they were singing this song. And it’s not like she was singing along or anything. So I stayed.

“This is a purely emotional response,” I told myself. “Don’t let it get to you. They don’t mean it like that.” I tried and tried to reason my way out of my anger and discomfort.

But then someone who had been standing in front of me all along turned his makeshift sign around. I had been trying to figure out what the sign said since we got there. “One sett” was all I would make out. What is that? One set of what? And then he turned it around. It turns out “one sett” had been the beginning of an attempt at a sign which had failed and had been started over on the reverse side of the poster. The second attempt was more successful.

“One settler, one bullet.”

Oh.

“Well guys, that’s just about enough for me for today.”

How did that happen? How did we go from “All classes must be available in English” to “one settler, one bullet”? Can somebody please explain that to me? What on god’s earth do equal rights to university education have to do with murdering all white South Africans? I know, I know. I’m taking it too literally again, aren’t I? He didn’t mean that, did he? Well can somebody please explain to me what he did mean? Because I cannot for the life of me imagine what else “one settler, one bullet” means, other than Africa For Africans, Kill The Boer, etc, etc. And that, Open Stellenbosch, is where you lose me.

Make Stellenbosch’s language policy such that no student or staff member is in any way disadvantaged by a lack of profiency in Afrikaans? Yes, by all means. Transform an exclusive, traditional, white student culture at Stellenbosch? Yes, sir. Fight all forms of institutionalised racism and sexism on campus? By the power vested in me, yes, yes, yes!

But THIS? Singing violent, racist struggle songs? Waving around a slogan which reminds all South Africans (or at least those who paid attention in their history lessons) of a violent, racist movement that sought not the equality and freedom of all persons that you supposedly stand for, Open Stellenbosch, but a civil war between black and white? DIFFERENT THING, BRA.

By all means, if this is your agenda, go for gold. Seriously. Do your thing. Maybe South Africa needs a civil war. I don’t know. If that’s what you think is necessary, Open Stellenbosch, then give it all you’ve got.

But do us all a favour and just be honest about it. I’ve heard it said many times that Open Stellenbosch is so brave. I couldn’t disagree more. Bravery would be standing in front of a camera and saying, “White people don’t belong in South Africa.” What you’re doing is hiding your true agenda under the very politically correct blanket of Stellenbosch’s language policy, appealing to our whole nation’s very fine-tuned sense of fairness regarding equal rights to higher education to push an agenda that asks for much, much more than that.

If I’m right, and you’re hiding your true agenda on purpose, how’s about you think about maybe growing a pair?

If I’m wrong, and your demands really are limited to English being available as a language of instruction at Stellenbosch University, then maybe you should think about what it is about the way in which you’re tackling your language movement that makes people who think it’s okay to wave signs around that say “one settler, one bullet” join your cause.

One of you once told me your agenda is just so have all subjects offered in English at Stellenbosch.

“Wow,” I said. “I didn’t realise that was all you guys are pushing for.”

“Yeah, people are often surprised by how reasonable our demands are,” you said.

You might want to ask yourselves why that is, Open Stellenbosch.

And then you might want to think about whether it helps the cause that you so tirelessly fight for to come across as a racist, violent movement that wants to get back at whites for all the times your feelings got hurt by a white person in this country.

I’m gonna go with ‘no’, but hey, what do I know, right? I’m just a white girl who clearly doesn’t understand.